castle | 𝑑𝑒𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑡𝑜𝑛 𝑖𝑛𝑏𝑜𝑥.

[ there's only a few customers lingering in the diner, a group of kids crammed into a booth just digging into a giant plate of fries, which keeps his actual work load at a minimum; at least as a manager, he doesn't have to worry about anyone complaining about his being on a phone. ]

Dump it. [ his nose scrunches, as if he could smell the yogurt from here. ] Don't eat that shit. Just buy a fresh pack.

You sure?

[ depending on how hard he’s listening he might be able to pick up on the sound of the yogurt being cracked open and then the quieter noise of her sniffing — there’s that test, anyway, that precedes her actually tasting it for herself. no one can say she doesn’t like to live dangerously. ]

What’s the one you get from eating expired yogurt? Salmonella? No, that’s uncooked chicken. Botulism? No, that’s the one that makes the soup cans all bloaty.

[ he can hear the stream of sound effects in her background, prompting a run of his palm over his face, index and thumb pinching at the bridge of his nose. ]

If you're gonna ignore my expert opinion anyway, what'd you call for?

[ she hums her consideration, then eventually walks over to the trash can and pries it open, chucking yogurt and all inside before the lid comes down with a small clang. ]

Nah, you’re right. Better safe than puking my guts out later. [ a sigh and then she stretches lazily, leaning over to toe off her boots one at a time. ] The diner doesn’t make deliveries, right? That’s not a thing? [ otherwise it’s eating dried cereal straight out of the box again. ]

[ at least she's got some common sense. ]

Who the hell wants food delivered from a diner? The point is having it fresh. [ what soggy ass eggs do you want to be eating, earp? ] You could just ride over.

[ that's not an invitation, shut up. ]

[ now why you gotta suggest a thing like that when she’s already gone and taken off her shoes, frank? ]

The kind of person who’s been on their feet all night and feels like having fries hand-delivered into her face hole. [ she’s grinning, though, and that’s probably audible in her voice. ] Did you hear? One of the magic deer must like me. I woke up the other morning and found my old truck out in the garage.

[ definitely not because he wants to see your face or anything, wynonna. ]

Face hole. [ he repeats it only because it's the most ridiculous version of mouth he's ever heard. seriously, just say mouth.

but he's intrigued by the follow-up, interest actually piqued. ] Oh, yeah? Your own truck?

[ she wouldn’t be under any illusion that that’s actually the case. but she will consider putting her boots back on. maybe. if fries are involved. ]

The exact one. I don’t know how they did it or got it here, but there it was. Still has all the dings in it, though. You’d think they could’ve used a little Bambi magic to pound those out or something.

[ but she huffs out a sigh nevertheless. ] Might be nice to have an option that isn’t the bike. I won’t run the risk of terrifying any 13th century monks, at least.

[ he'll feed her face hole all night if she wants.

with fries. obviously. ]

Well, when we do we ever know about the how of anything here? [ remember when he got turned into a giant bear? how the hell did that happen? ] Least you got something that's yours. I got a set of keys that don't belong to me.

[ but wait — ]

Did you say "monks"? [ he has a feeling he knows who that is. ]

[ load her up on that hot salty goodness. ]

Okay, yeah, good point. [ but his words raise an even bigger question and she idly tilts herself back to lean against the kitchen counter. ] Keys? Keys to what? They finally got you movin’ on up out of that busted apartment?

[ and she hums in the affirmative when he asks. ] Floppy hair, big puppy dog-type eyes? I thought he was going to bruise my ribs when I gave him a lift into town once.

Jesus Christ. [ ironically, diarmuid would get so mad at him for saying that. ] So you're one of his bad influences. Kid's already getting into trouble. If he ends up in a biker gang, I'm blaming you.

[ not that it'd happen with that kid, but whatever. any reason to scold her.

but more importantly: ]

1969 Pontiac GTO. Custom engine and built-in metal shutters. [ and his voice lowers then, because reasons. ] Came with a note that said it belonged to Frank Castle. But it ain't mine.

Dude. [ is this the first time she’s called him that? doesn’t matter, she’s doing it anyway. ] There was a succubus demon chilling right there on my front porch. What was I supposed to do, leave him to get nommed on?

[ besides, the kid had been so terrified that she’s pretty sure she’s scared him off any possible future in a motorcycle club.

she whistles, long and low, when he drops that make and model info. ] What, you’re saying it’s not your birthday and you just forgot to tell me about it?

Yeah, I don't want to know. [ yes, he knows the reputation of this town, but why is it when he hears about it, it's usually her at the center?

but he won't admit, he appreciates it. diarmuid could use all the support he could get. kid is constantly way over his head. ]

Yeah, yeah — well, before you start planning the joy rides, I'm not too sure I trust it.

Well, that’s who busted those floorboards on the front porch, in case you were wondering. [ who knew demons mostly made of weird thick smoke could create serious property damage? not wynonna earp, that’s for damn sure.

but maybe next time she offers him a ride, it’ll be from the truck instead. ]

Have you even sat in it yet? Turned it on? You could do some donuts in the parking lot. Beauty like that, it’s practically a crime not to take her for a spin.

Cute of you to start pointing fingers now.

[ the floorboards were one thing, but who's she going to start pining the blame on with the rest of the home decor? ]

I gave her a look over. Checked the interiors. No obvious signs, but this place has snuck in its tricks plenty. Besides, I don't need the ride.

[ because walking is so convenient, right? ]

Okay, how many times do I have to tell you? That hole in the wall was from me trying to shoot that weird facehugger thing that came out of my egg.

[ he did say wacky shit tends to be drawn to her, and maybe that’s true. but it’s not like she’s wrecking the place intentionally just to get him to come over. ~~yet.~~ ]

Yeah, but you’re still making house calls, aren’t you? No better place to keep tools than in that trunk. And what are you gonna do, walk up to the drive-in? Who does that?

[ not an invitation. ]

Yeah, and who brought the egg inside in the first place?

[ wacky shit is drawn to her, or she's drawn to it. ]

Also didn't realize I was going to the drive-in.

[ sounds like an invitation. ]

How was I supposed to know it had a literal alien inside of it?

[ really, she was just hoping for chocolate and now she has a giant hole in the living room wall. ]

I'm just saying, if you go for whatever reason, you're gonna need a car. That's the most important part. The car, that you sit in, while watching a movie.

Maybe next time don't pick up shit you find lying around and take it home.

[ moral of the story is, no matter what, he's pinning this all on her. control that sweet tooth. ]

But sure, I'll take a strange car because the highest priority I've got is making sure I have a place to sit during outdoor movie time.

Is that you dispensing your expert wisdom again? I'm gonna have to start writing all of these down. "1. Don't pick up random shit and take it home. 2. Don't eat expired shit."

[ besides, only one of them had a terrible experience with all that chocolate around valentine's day and it wasn't her. so, really, who's the one that attracts awful now? ]

Hell, I'll take it off your hands. I bet I could really open her up out there by the reservoir. Wind in the hair, stereo blasting. Just like every '80s music video ever made.

Might wanna start carving the notes on your walls. Make sure you don't forget.

[ to be entirely fair, it was she who shoved some of those chocolates in his face (should he have learned his lesson from the first incident? yes, but that's besides the point). ]

Sure, if anybody's in need of a new car, it's the girl with a bike, a truck, and a itch that needs to be scratched for that routine dose of danger. Especially if you're gonna look good while doing it, hair flapping in the wind and all.

[ is he saying she looks good? of course not. ]

Make one of those tear-off calendars, but instead of a fun trivia fact it's Frank Castle's Advice of the Day.

[ and she uses it now, his name, because he's the only one who can hear it on the phone, otherwise she's made a lot of effort not to slip up in public. ]

Who said I've got an itch? No itching here, nothing that needs scratching. [ except for the worst one and we won't talk about that because knowing her luck, she'd start having the dreams again. ] At least take her around the block once or twice. What, are you afraid you're gonna like it too much?

How long's it been? Three months? Think I've spared enough wisdom during that time to pack into 365 days.

[ and he won't say how he likes to hear it, his own name in her voice, something that doesn't feel false like the life he's stitched for himself. ]

Yeah, you know me. Get attached way too easily. [ it's meant to play off as sarcasm, but — taking into account the kids, the diner, and the lady on the other side of the line, there's more evidence of that fact than not. ] Y'know, if you really want me to take you for a ride, you can just ask.

[ ahahaha. ]

Oh, God, basically.

[ don't remind her, frank, she doesn't want to think about how much time she's probably already wasted in this place. ]

Mmm. That's you. All about those connections. [ the irony isn't lost on her, but she knows he'd tried to distance himself at first, so... points for effort? ] Where would the fun be in that, Harry? No, I was just going to wear you down slowly and over time until you take me out of sheer annoyance.

[ take her. what? ]

[ let's not talk about how much time she's already wasted on him. or is it the other way around, considering all the phone calls she's initiated just to get him tending to her leaks and needs. ]

Wait, you're just starting fresh now? Thought you'd been working on wearing me down for months. [ is that what's been happening? ] Guess all the prior annoyance has been on pure accident.

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;

audio;