[ She doesn't move aside from that curling of fingers around his, apart from the hand that clutches onto his like it's the only lifeline keeping her from drowning in her grief β because those are the days that are the hardest, when she remembers, when she has the phantom ache of labor pains, when she wakes up from the all-too-real dreams in this place where she swears she can still feel her daughter kicking inside her, when she recreates the memory of tiny fingernails and an equally small grip around her hand before the wholly utter emptiness that had followed when Alice had been gently taken from her arms.
Her other hand shakes before securing a tighter hold on her glass and when he touches her, she releases a breath, a long, shuddering sigh through pursed lips, the warmth of his hand so careful, so open on her face that it nearly threatens to pry her apart right then and there, and she doesn't look up at him until she's sure, she's sure she's not going to break down in front of him.
His words prompt a quiet, self-deprecating chuckle from her, especially when he notes her stubbornness, something she's never been all that shy about acknowledging herself but it's different to hear it in this context now β like it's one of the strengths she can use to get through this as opposed to being chalked up to just yet another grating aspect of her over-the-top personality. And she turns her head into his hand, eyes wider now, cheek nudged into the path his finger takes across her skin before her chin bumps against the top of his palm. ]
Anyone ever tell you you're surprisingly good at that whole pep talk thing? [ The further away she gets from talking about Alice, the less likely she is to lose her cool, but there's still a waver in her voice when she poses the lighthearted question, not necessarily trying to undercut the moment but because she's hopelessly bad at letting this and ones like it happen with this much sincerity behind them; she's almost struggling to keep her gaze locked with his. ] Whatever it takes, huh?
[ he aims to give her something steady to balance herself on, with the firm but gentle press of his palm, the way her chin fits against his skin, and the accompanying assurance of his words. but there's a selfishness to this too; he couldn't save his family, couldn't save them from his own self-destruction after all he'd done in kandahar, mistakes that followed him back home. in the same way he'd seen lisa in amy, perhaps he was still looking for second chances, to save someone else's daughter as some minor compensation towards his guilt for not being able to save his own.
that, or perhaps it had something to do with the pained look in her eyes as wynonna talked of having to let her go, the longing ache he could see, that he could recognize, in wanting to hold her daughter in her arms again. he didn't want to keep seeing her wear that look, didn't want her to have to feel it.
there's a minor lift of his lips, a simple upward curve that could pose as a forced smirk. ] Yeah, don't go telling people. Then they'll all come scrambling for a pat on the back. [ he'll give a partial return of the joke, but his expression remains sincere as his thumb rubs soft circles to her cheek, warming her skin. ]
But, for you? [ his eyes soften, breathing slowing as if he might be resisting the honesty of it, before his voice speaks quietly, like the words remain a secret only for her. ] For you, yeah, whatever it takes.
[ She might always feel the loss of her daughter, but there are days when it hurts a tiny bit less to think about Alice. Today's just going to be one that sucks more, especially when all the reminders of how she absolutely failed as a mom are plastered everywhere in this town, only serving to make her dwell on her own mistakes. If only she'd been better, done better, something, maybe she wouldn't have had to give up her kid. Thing is she's pretty good at finding a way to a second chance, and she has to hold out hope that she'll be able to do it again.
She smiles a little more when her question provokes that slightly amused look that feels completely involuntary amidst the weight of his promise, but even that only amounts to a small upward tilt of her mouth, the brief deepening indents in her cheeks. ] Could be you've even got a career in it. Think you could add a third gig to your resume? "Non-traditional motivational speaker."
[ Her lips part almost on instinct, like she's got a ready remark prepared to downplay everything, especially that honesty in his gaze, his voice; she doesn't know what to do in the face of it and she closes her mouth to hold back anything that could diminish what he's saying to her right now. Instead, she doesn't respond with anything at all β not in words, that is, because she's already closing the distance between them to kiss him, a soft and grateful press of her lips to his. ]
[ perhaps thereβs always been a need for him in seeking something to protect, an excuse to fight; he doesnβt know who the real enemy is in this town, but he knows if theyβre ever presented in front of him, he wonβt hesitate to take a shot, supernatural nonsense or not. and if he thinks too hard on it, he might think itβs all selfish of him, that heβll take anything as a reasonable cause for him to bloody his fists again, especially after all these months of keeping them clean.
you didnβt hesitate, amy had once told him. you know, itβs almost like you were happy for the excuse.
but heβd bargained for something worth wanting to protect to this degree, he hadnβt expected itβd be her, not when he recalls moments of frustration and impatience those first meetings, when her constant stream of talking equated more annoyance than mutual intrigue β mostly. but with time, heβs found more resonance between them than not, and though heβs already come to accept something a little more significant between them, itβs the knowledge of knowing more now, that she recognizes the grief that comes with parenting, that she knows loss and sacrifice in that light even if itβs not with a full loss of hope, which makes him all the more eager to get her home safe even now.
and when she kisses him, itβs honest, his fingers curling around her neck, gentleness of the skin. he leans in, only for the soft return, not pursuing anything more than the light warmth of those pressed lips, letting it replace the vague confession heβs offered, not wanting to say anything more for fear of what it could imply. ]
[ She still doesn't know the full extent of why they've been called here β like most everything else about this town, every answer they've been given has been couched in riddle and mystery, making the true reason for their being trapped something she apparently doesn't get to understand yet, not until it's revealed itself. But she knows what she has to offer, and it's more of a track record with this brand of evil than some of the others can claim. Why tag in a girl with a demon-killing gun if you don't plan on her using it at some point?
And somewhere along the line she'd offered to have his back in a fight if it ever came down to it, that regardless of whatever else happened between them he could rely on her to watch out for him out there against any type of threat; she just hadn't counted on this tenderness occurring right alongside it, that she'd want to protect him not solely in looking after someone she considers a friend but to keep him closer than that.
He'd never pulled away from her, not even with one of her biggest secrets finally spilled; his touch had never left her, that warm constant one she wants to linger in, to wrap herself up in until the shittier parts of today fade into the background and all that's left is this, his hand lightly guiding along her neck and his taste on her lips. She does let that kiss break, but her forehead tips to his in the immediate after as she whispers, from behind closed eyes. ] Thank you.
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Her other hand shakes before securing a tighter hold on her glass and when he touches her, she releases a breath, a long, shuddering sigh through pursed lips, the warmth of his hand so careful, so open on her face that it nearly threatens to pry her apart right then and there, and she doesn't look up at him until she's sure, she's sure she's not going to break down in front of him.
His words prompt a quiet, self-deprecating chuckle from her, especially when he notes her stubbornness, something she's never been all that shy about acknowledging herself but it's different to hear it in this context now β like it's one of the strengths she can use to get through this as opposed to being chalked up to just yet another grating aspect of her over-the-top personality. And she turns her head into his hand, eyes wider now, cheek nudged into the path his finger takes across her skin before her chin bumps against the top of his palm. ]
Anyone ever tell you you're surprisingly good at that whole pep talk thing? [ The further away she gets from talking about Alice, the less likely she is to lose her cool, but there's still a waver in her voice when she poses the lighthearted question, not necessarily trying to undercut the moment but because she's hopelessly bad at letting this and ones like it happen with this much sincerity behind them; she's almost struggling to keep her gaze locked with his. ] Whatever it takes, huh?
no subject
that, or perhaps it had something to do with the pained look in her eyes as wynonna talked of having to let her go, the longing ache he could see, that he could recognize, in wanting to hold her daughter in her arms again. he didn't want to keep seeing her wear that look, didn't want her to have to feel it.
there's a minor lift of his lips, a simple upward curve that could pose as a forced smirk. ] Yeah, don't go telling people. Then they'll all come scrambling for a pat on the back. [ he'll give a partial return of the joke, but his expression remains sincere as his thumb rubs soft circles to her cheek, warming her skin. ]
But, for you? [ his eyes soften, breathing slowing as if he might be resisting the honesty of it, before his voice speaks quietly, like the words remain a secret only for her. ] For you, yeah, whatever it takes.
no subject
She smiles a little more when her question provokes that slightly amused look that feels completely involuntary amidst the weight of his promise, but even that only amounts to a small upward tilt of her mouth, the brief deepening indents in her cheeks. ] Could be you've even got a career in it. Think you could add a third gig to your resume? "Non-traditional motivational speaker."
[ Her lips part almost on instinct, like she's got a ready remark prepared to downplay everything, especially that honesty in his gaze, his voice; she doesn't know what to do in the face of it and she closes her mouth to hold back anything that could diminish what he's saying to her right now. Instead, she doesn't respond with anything at all β not in words, that is, because she's already closing the distance between them to kiss him, a soft and grateful press of her lips to his. ]
no subject
you didnβt hesitate, amy had once told him. you know, itβs almost like you were happy for the excuse.
but heβd bargained for something worth wanting to protect to this degree, he hadnβt expected itβd be her, not when he recalls moments of frustration and impatience those first meetings, when her constant stream of talking equated more annoyance than mutual intrigue β mostly. but with time, heβs found more resonance between them than not, and though heβs already come to accept something a little more significant between them, itβs the knowledge of knowing more now, that she recognizes the grief that comes with parenting, that she knows loss and sacrifice in that light even if itβs not with a full loss of hope, which makes him all the more eager to get her home safe even now.
and when she kisses him, itβs honest, his fingers curling around her neck, gentleness of the skin. he leans in, only for the soft return, not pursuing anything more than the light warmth of those pressed lips, letting it replace the vague confession heβs offered, not wanting to say anything more for fear of what it could imply. ]
no subject
And somewhere along the line she'd offered to have his back in a fight if it ever came down to it, that regardless of whatever else happened between them he could rely on her to watch out for him out there against any type of threat; she just hadn't counted on this tenderness occurring right alongside it, that she'd want to protect him not solely in looking after someone she considers a friend but to keep him closer than that.
He'd never pulled away from her, not even with one of her biggest secrets finally spilled; his touch had never left her, that warm constant one she wants to linger in, to wrap herself up in until the shittier parts of today fade into the background and all that's left is this, his hand lightly guiding along her neck and his taste on her lips. She does let that kiss break, but her forehead tips to his in the immediate after as she whispers, from behind closed eyes. ] Thank you.