[ Well, hey - an adult owning up to their lies is a first. It even throws her off for a second, which is saying something since she didn't exactly come in here with particularly solid grounding in her emotions or anything. ]
I'm used to it. People always lie to make shit easier. Whether it's saying you're fine when you're not so people won't press or flat out making shit up to gain someone's trust. I guess that's why the intent matters. If everyone's gonna lie anyway, at least it should be for a decent reason.
[ She isn't sure whether or not his reason is decent, but it's at least not bad. ]
I've met like six Peter Parkers. I know you're probably not the same Frank I knew anyway. It shouldn't matter that you called yourself something else to try and distance yourself from... whatever you were trying to distance yourself from. There are worse lies.
[ frank has his fuck-ups, and there are plenty of cases he'll stand by his actions, but he isn't so naive as to think he isn't capable of plenty of wrong. lying is one of the very things he tries to avoid if he can help it, always blunt with his opinions and upfront about who he is.
sometimes he doesn't have a choice in the matter, but maybe here he did, and he just chose not to take it. ]
Yeah, well — look, I don't know what you know about me. But you knew who I was when you saw that vest, so I guess you know something about the kind of things I do. You know that I — I can be pretty dangerous. I hurt people. And maybe I only look to hurt the people that deserve it, but the more anyone gets tangled up with my business, the more I put them in danger too.
Now, I can't say if any of my reasons are justified for doing what I do. Doesn't matter if they are, I still ain't a good man. But I at least ... I at least want to keep people safe. I just don't always know the best way to do that.
[ Doesn’t matter if they are, I still ain’t a good man.
Chloe lets those words sink in for a moment, because maybe they hit too close to home for her at the end of the day. She’s busy staring at her own hands, remembering the people she’d hurt - here in Deerington, of course, but also those she’d fought at home. It had always been to protect people, but she’d had a hard time wrapping her mind around whether or not that really made it okay to kill another person.
She scrunches her mouth, trying to figure out how to put the thoughts in her head into words. It’s something she’s always struggled with, for someone who’s gotten so good at filling silent spaces when need be. ]
We met in this weird town in France where we couldn’t talk unless we were in a sound proofed room because there were these monsters that were attracted to noise and they’d kill you if they found you. I was only sixteen and I woke up there on my birthday after having just gotten my ass handed to me by a drug dealer I’d attacked. You... helped patch me up. You tried to make sure I didn’t have a concussion, you cleaned out the worst of the cuts, and you made sure my ribs healed okay. You made sure I ate even when the food was limited. You protected me from the monsters when we finally saw them. You made sure my room was soundproofed and you tried to teach me how to fight so I wouldn’t end up hurt again. You cared about and did so much for me without ever asking for anything in return.
And you can argue that you aren’t the same person and maybe you aren’t, but you’ve done the exact same thing for Laura here. So I know that that’s still a part of who you are.
I’ve met a lot of bad people in my life, and what they all had in common was that they didn’t care about keeping anyone but themselves safe at the end of the day. What you’ve done to people could be called good or bad depending on who you ask, but ... I don’t believe you aren’t a good man, Frank. I wouldn’t forgive you for lying if I did.
[ he doesn’t expect the story, but he stays silent to let chloe tell it. none of it’s familiar to him, as it shouldn’t be, and yet the beats of it spring a vague sense of recognition all the same, if only because they speak to his habits, and what he honestly would have done in that position, that he’d done all he could to keep chloe safe if he’d been that very same frank castle.
he recalls what wynonna had told him once too, about believing him to be a good man, and there’s still in guilt in that expanded idea despite all the blood on his hands, the kind that he sought out himself without any trickery or mind-alteration. ]
All you girls are pretty damn stubborn, you know that? [ chloe, wynonna, laura. but despite that, there’s nothing ill-intended in his tone, reluctant to fight an argument about his depth of “good” he’s had to debate more than once.
but the few beats of silence that follow eventually comes with a sigh. ] Y’know, I don’t — I don’t have those memories and I can’t exactly take credit for what some other version of me did, but ... all of that, I’d still do it for you if I could. And I’ve definitely done my part in being an ass to you here, but you — you still got me if you need me. It ain’t just Laura I want to keep safe.
[ The chuckle she lets out is weak, but it's still a form of laughter, so that's got to count for something. ]
I get told that a lot.
[ Usually it's not something she takes as a compliment, but she's assuming it isn't meant as an insult here, given his tone. ]
Yeah. I know you would. [ Even if she sounds tired, it still sounds like she means it. Chloe has never been one to say things just to make someone feel better, after all, and she's sure that that's been more than abundantly clear. ] Seems like you've got your hands full with that one, though. Don't worry about me too much. I've gotten real good at taking care of myself.
[ not that she shouldn't be capable at taking care of herself, and it isn't him reprimanding her in the way that he does the "kids" in this town.
he's forced loneliness on himself, seen the danger he could bring forth on others and has tried time and again to fence himself off, usually with success. and maybe, he'd still be doing just that right now, if certain people hadn't crept beneath his skin to force him out of that shell, enabling him to avoid completely securing his personal barriers. he might still be prone to not exposing all of those deeper concerns, puddles of guilt, and emotionally crippling memories of pain — but he's been better and that counts for something. ]
Look, just — don't think twice about it. Don't worry about my load. Something happens, just reach out, yeah?
[ Oh how she wishes she could say yes to that offer honestly. Chloe knows herself too well though; she’s still the type who believes herself better off alone, who doesn’t want others to come to any harm taking care of her. There’s been maybe one or two people who have broken the wall enough for her to admit when she isn’t okay to, but it still takes getting to an absolute breaking point before it happens.
Dying so many times means another death doesn’t seem so bad. Better her than the people here who aren’t used to it. Emotional burdens aren’t any better when everyone has so much to deal with and so many others to care for.
She’s glad it isn’t video so she at least doesn’t have to fake a smile. All she needs is to get her voice to hit that pitch that maybe sounds authentic. ]
Okay. Yeah. I’ll keep that in mind, Frank.
Edited (too many at leasts :|) 2019-08-14 01:56 (UTC)
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no subject
I'm used to it. People always lie to make shit easier. Whether it's saying you're fine when you're not so people won't press or flat out making shit up to gain someone's trust. I guess that's why the intent matters. If everyone's gonna lie anyway, at least it should be for a decent reason.
[ She isn't sure whether or not his reason is decent, but it's at least not bad. ]
I've met like six Peter Parkers. I know you're probably not the same Frank I knew anyway. It shouldn't matter that you called yourself something else to try and distance yourself from... whatever you were trying to distance yourself from. There are worse lies.
no subject
sometimes he doesn't have a choice in the matter, but maybe here he did, and he just chose not to take it. ]
Yeah, well — look, I don't know what you know about me. But you knew who I was when you saw that vest, so I guess you know something about the kind of things I do. You know that I — I can be pretty dangerous. I hurt people. And maybe I only look to hurt the people that deserve it, but the more anyone gets tangled up with my business, the more I put them in danger too.
Now, I can't say if any of my reasons are justified for doing what I do. Doesn't matter if they are, I still ain't a good man. But I at least ... I at least want to keep people safe. I just don't always know the best way to do that.
no subject
Chloe lets those words sink in for a moment, because maybe they hit too close to home for her at the end of the day. She’s busy staring at her own hands, remembering the people she’d hurt - here in Deerington, of course, but also those she’d fought at home. It had always been to protect people, but she’d had a hard time wrapping her mind around whether or not that really made it okay to kill another person.
She scrunches her mouth, trying to figure out how to put the thoughts in her head into words. It’s something she’s always struggled with, for someone who’s gotten so good at filling silent spaces when need be. ]
We met in this weird town in France where we couldn’t talk unless we were in a sound proofed room because there were these monsters that were attracted to noise and they’d kill you if they found you. I was only sixteen and I woke up there on my birthday after having just gotten my ass handed to me by a drug dealer I’d attacked. You... helped patch me up. You tried to make sure I didn’t have a concussion, you cleaned out the worst of the cuts, and you made sure my ribs healed okay. You made sure I ate even when the food was limited. You protected me from the monsters when we finally saw them. You made sure my room was soundproofed and you tried to teach me how to fight so I wouldn’t end up hurt again. You cared about and did so much for me without ever asking for anything in return.
And you can argue that you aren’t the same person and maybe you aren’t, but you’ve done the exact same thing for Laura here. So I know that that’s still a part of who you are.
I’ve met a lot of bad people in my life, and what they all had in common was that they didn’t care about keeping anyone but themselves safe at the end of the day. What you’ve done to people could be called good or bad depending on who you ask, but ... I don’t believe you aren’t a good man, Frank. I wouldn’t forgive you for lying if I did.
no subject
he recalls what wynonna had told him once too, about believing him to be a good man, and there’s still in guilt in that expanded idea despite all the blood on his hands, the kind that he sought out himself without any trickery or mind-alteration. ]
All you girls are pretty damn stubborn, you know that? [ chloe, wynonna, laura. but despite that, there’s nothing ill-intended in his tone, reluctant to fight an argument about his depth of “good” he’s had to debate more than once.
but the few beats of silence that follow eventually comes with a sigh. ] Y’know, I don’t — I don’t have those memories and I can’t exactly take credit for what some other version of me did, but ... all of that, I’d still do it for you if I could. And I’ve definitely done my part in being an ass to you here, but you — you still got me if you need me. It ain’t just Laura I want to keep safe.
no subject
I get told that a lot.
[ Usually it's not something she takes as a compliment, but she's assuming it isn't meant as an insult here, given his tone. ]
Yeah. I know you would. [ Even if she sounds tired, it still sounds like she means it. Chloe has never been one to say things just to make someone feel better, after all, and she's sure that that's been more than abundantly clear. ] Seems like you've got your hands full with that one, though. Don't worry about me too much. I've gotten real good at taking care of myself.
no subject
[ not that she shouldn't be capable at taking care of herself, and it isn't him reprimanding her in the way that he does the "kids" in this town.
he's forced loneliness on himself, seen the danger he could bring forth on others and has tried time and again to fence himself off, usually with success. and maybe, he'd still be doing just that right now, if certain people hadn't crept beneath his skin to force him out of that shell, enabling him to avoid completely securing his personal barriers. he might still be prone to not exposing all of those deeper concerns, puddles of guilt, and emotionally crippling memories of pain — but he's been better and that counts for something. ]
Look, just — don't think twice about it. Don't worry about my load. Something happens, just reach out, yeah?
no subject
Dying so many times means another death doesn’t seem so bad. Better her than the people here who aren’t used to it. Emotional burdens aren’t any better when everyone has so much to deal with and so many others to care for.
She’s glad it isn’t video so she at least doesn’t have to fake a smile. All she needs is to get her voice to hit that pitch that maybe sounds authentic. ]
Okay. Yeah. I’ll keep that in mind, Frank.